I wish for a place of my own. I tire of living in this dorm. This dorm has rules, and I grow sick of them. Rules that prohibit what I can do, what I can imbibe, and which inspire nothing more than restlessness.
I am old, and I do not look it. I do not have the experience that I would otherwise need, but I am tired of the excess of youth. And yet, I so dearly wish to recapture it, to be able to connect with minds less mature than mine. But, I can not indulge in meaningless sex. I can not consume substance to extreme, for I begin to feel regret. I can not waste the entire day and feel no guilt. I can not just express my feelings, because they are not the feelings that people want to hear about. I wish, I wish I could be young. But I am past that time in my life, and I will not let myself tread too far backwards. I am not a slut of life.
I know this girl and she sickens me. It is because she is immature, and I wish I could find the key to her soul. She takes jokes too far, has no problem sleeping around, and lets her sorrows become drowned in alcohol. She does not know what she wants from life, and life does not know, and does not care, what she can provide for it. For this reason, she makes me disgusted. I know this girl and she scares me. She lives in a world where reality is something to be warped, to be changed into a state more acceptable. She will accept reality when she has too, but when no one can argue, she creates fantasy, accepts it, and trusts it. Her deception will only get her so far, and yet, that she can love this deception, this is what scares me. I know this girl and she makes my heart glad. I am glad to see that there are people out there, and even more fortunately are of the opposite gender. She is smart, well-read, and loves life. She is not above wearing shredded jeans, and yet will never let herself appear shabby or ill-kept. That I know her name is enough for me.
And now my time for sleep has descended upon me, and rather quickly. But will I collapse quickly, or lie awake as I do often?